Internal Marulogues #1: Hello World
Why Marupo writes
Greetings, it’s Marupo (Bennett). Thank you for joining me on this first post in the Internal Monologues series. Truth be told, I have wrestled back and forth with the value of including this series in the publication. After much deliberation, I decided as unconventional as it may be, it has a latent potential to inspire others alike my younger self. Unlike the concise and educational content you’ll typically find in the Marupo Substack (mostly written by Falai), or the actionable insights from publications like Marupo Hindsight, this series, as the name suggests, serves as an outlet for me to share my thoughts and reactions throughout my journey with the Marupo business. It is a space for personal reflection, just as much as it is for subscribers who are interested in my journey thus far (or perhaps even want to follow a similar path) to gain insight into my mindset
Internal Monologues will likely be less structured than other Marupo Substack posts, and seem a bit wandering. My hope is that the sentiments and inner conflicts I’m navigating resonate with some of your own experiences, that my epiphanies serve as inspiration, or that the mere existence of this series help alleviate a bit of your boredom :). With that said, let’s dive into what prompted me to kickstart this series.
To Write or not to write:
Expressing myself through writing has never been my forte. As a reserved Asian male with a Myers Briggs type of INTP (aka 100% on the Introvert scale), I’ve often been told I appear reclusive or disinterested in others. I’ve consistently struggled with classes that required me to articulate my thoughts or opinions. Whether it was history, religious studies, or literature, despite thoroughly enjoying the reading assignments, I always found myself resigned to mediocrity when it came to the essays. I’ve come to realize that there is a distinct disparity between the prose we use to communicate in daily life and the writing styles found in literature that effectively evoke emotions and truly connect with their readers… and unfortunately I don’t quite have the knack for the latter.
Another hurdle I faced is my tendency to veer off-topic. My mind often wanders into tangents, and I end up writing and deleting paragraphs over and over again (yup, even right now), as I try to find the best words/phrases to convey my thoughts accurately to my audience. In spoken communication, I have managed to overcome this challenge; over 90% of the communication stems from nonverbal and vocal cues, and I gradually learned to engage my audience through hand gestures, adjusting my tone of voice, and pacing my talking. However, in writing, my limited vocabulary and sentence structures usually cripples me.
But then… Why bother?
In today’s digital age, there are countless mediums for engaging with others, from podcasts and social media, to streaming and live voice chat channels; some of which I may in fact pursue eventually
Yet despite my ongoing struggles with writing, I do find the reiterative process more conducive to self reflection. Furthermore, I definitely find writing more appealing due to its accessibility and non-intrusiveness for the content creator. Unlike content reliant on voice, which demands sophisticated equipment or an isolated environment, writing is something I can do whenever and wherever inspiration strikes. In fact, I’m composing this post in the middle of the night while my puppy snoozes (and snores) beside me.
…but writing publicly? Why not stick to a personal diary?
Right… the notion of having my own thoughts being scrutinized and psychoanalyzed by the denizens of the interwebs is indeed quite intimidating. What if I offend someone? What if I get trolled? What if my boss, or parents, or [Insert authoritative person] stumble upon this and judge me?
As these thoughts started creeping into my mind, I almost gave in and abandoned the idea altogether. Yet for every hesitation, there was always a corresponding urge to push on. I recalled the enlightening and sometimes life-changing experiences I’ve had from reading insightful articles or participating (mostly lurking) on online forums. Gradually, my resolve to write publicly solidified. I wanted to write online because…
I want to be understood by others
I want my thoughts and experiences to help those facing similar struggles.
It’s really that simple. At our core, humans are social beings. Even the most introverted among us still yearn to connect with others. While I don’t expect to immediately find kindred spirits through this series (let’s be real, it might just be me, myself, and I here for a while), the slim possibility of enriching my own life or someone else’s makes this endeavor worthwhile.
With that, let me (rather abruptly) conclude this inaugural entry of Internal Monologues. I hope that gives you a little flavor of what to expect from this series.
So here we are. I’m finally doing it. I’m embarking on this blogging journey.
Marupo